Weak Knees Goldilocks
by Kaminiko
Summary: Like the title suggests, a Naruto parody of "Goldilocks and The Three Bears". Sorta funny... I guess. Lime. (KakaIru, SasuNaru)


**Weak Knees (Goldilocks)**

She, or rather, he, was a very attractive young boy, no older than twelve years old, wandering the forest with the purpose of avoiding the people of his town. Pink cheeks and a red robe were the first noticeable items that adorned him; a simple blue dress with frills on the skirt and the sleeves complimented the blue of his eyes. But it was his hair that, although covered by his hood, garnered the most attention. 

Golden like the sun on a warm summers day, like bright coins in the hands of a merchant, like long necklaces around the neck of a fortuneteller. He was lovely in all regards, and was complimented endlessly by the women of his town. If only he hadn't such bad manners, then the women of the town would be proud to marry off one their daughters to him. Well, his manners and his tendency to cross dress, but most believed that habit could be shamed out of him. 

We shall let it be known that this lovely boy, and we shall call him Naruto after the food he loves so dear, avoids the people of his town because of his habit of pulling pranks, his most recent having something to do with fish and the mayor's home. As it is, he finds it best to give the town an opportunity to settle down, before he returns to their midst.

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Soon, our lovely young lad stumbled across a small house in the woods, made of brick and wood, with two floors and a parted door. Hearing his stomach moan, as he had not eaten before he left, Naruto thought that perhaps, those living in the house would be kind and offer him some food. 

Stepping up to the door, he rapped loudly, once, but there was no response. Peeking his head inside, he called out, yet again receiving no answer. 

Naruto stood there on the doorstep, contemplating for a moment, which was really ten seconds, whether or not he should just walk in and take something. If he was quick, and he was quiet, and he did not take very much, they wouldn't even know. Thus decided he stepped inside.

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The home was warm and bright, though Naruto found it curious that there were so many weapons and diagrams of 'Tai Chi' on the walls. He thought maybe the home belonged to a group of martial artists, a rough sort who acted as bodyguards and assassins to those who could pay the most. They were strong, and often had many strange techniques at their bidding. Those who feared them commonly called them shinobi. 

'Cool,' thought Naruto, not at all thinking it would be wise for him to exit quickly the home of such dangerous folk. You see, Naruto is not the kind of lad to be quick of thought, though his speed at coming up with the cleverest pranks, and subsequently, in avoidance of their punishments was legendary. 

He wandered through what appeared to be a sitting room, noting the few books that littered the coffee table. 

"Icha Icha Paradise?" He muttered after glancing at one of the titles. To him it sounded rather stupid; besides, his nose was quickly attracted to a most familiar scent. 

Ramen. His most treasured of all foods. This was the thing that made is mouth water and his knees go weak. 

Having lucked out to a great degree, he chose to rush to the source of the smell, his stomach growling impatiently. Upon arrival in a small kitchen, he noted there were three bowls of varying sizes, set on the table. 

'Who would be stupid enough to just leave good ramen sitting here!' he thought, it not once occurring to him, that maybe, the owners would be returning for the soup. Grabbing a set of chopsticks, he started on the first and largest bowl. 

"Ow! Too spicy!" He exclaimed out loud. Stopping instead to try the second and also quite large bowl. 

"Eww, too many onions," again he stopped, the third bowl now in his sight. 

"Ah, miso!" The flavour dancing on his tongue, "Just right!" And he ate it all up. As he was about to leave, he paused a moment, choosing to eat the other bowls as well. After all, it was still ramen, and he would never in his right mind just leave it there to get cold. 

With his hunger sated, his curiosity was allowed to get the better of him, and he wandered to the upper portion of the house coming first to a large bare room, nothing there but three small scrolls, laying on the ground. 

'These must be how shinobi learn their special techniques,' the thought coming to him, 'I wonder if I could learn anything…' So Naruto, not thinking of the possibility the techniques could be secret, and not thinking that, perhaps, he wasn't supposed to look at them, took up the first scroll and sat down to study. 

After several hours, he had given up on the first and second scroll, deeming them too much and too hard for him to learn in one day, instead opening up the third with hopes it would be different. 

"Kage Bunshin," he muttered out loud, and began to toil and strain. Eventually, after many trials and defeats, he found that he could perform the technique and laughed out loud. The technique would probably prove useful to him in future pranks. 

'Whew,' he thought, 'I sure am tired,' and indeed, it was night, and after such hard training, he decided it would be best to have a short nap before he returned to the forest. 

Out again, he wandered the hallways, coming upon two bedrooms. The first had two beds in it, and Naruto decided he'd try each of those to find which one suited him best. 

Laying down on the first, he found it to be as hard as stone. Obviously those that lived here did not use it often. Getting up and rubbing his back, he lay down on the second and promptly sunk in. It seemed as if those that lived here used it too much. Naruto wondered briefly if anyone had been jumping on it… 

Quickly he left, opening the door of the second bedroom, finding only a single bed in a room that was otherwise empty, but for some neatly folded laundry in the corner. 

'Odd,' Naruto thought, 'obviously no one uses this room. Or if there is someone in here, they can't have much of a personal life.' His own room was littered with posters of his favourite stars, and dirty magazines, his music collection (rock being his favourite), and empty ramen cups. Not to mention his clean clothes and dirty laundry, and his bodily essentials. Still, if one lived with other people, maybe they didn't really need to keep all their belongings cramped into one small space. But he wouldn't know that. 

Naruto had lived alone in his own tiny house for as long as he could remember… 

But he quickly shook the heavy thoughts from his mind as he lay down on the waiting bed. 

"Aaah," he sighed. The bed was the most comfortable that he'd ever lain on. Not too hard and not too soft. In fact, it was better than his own bed and he'd been molding it since his youth. It even smelled really good. Before he fell asleep, he thought that whoever owned it had very good taste.

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Sooner rather than later, Naruto was awakened by a clatter near his bed. Momentarily confused, he gazed into three pairs, or rather, two and one half, of equally dark eyes. Naruto gulped, 'The shinobi are back.' 

Their shadows upon him, two men and one boy, no older than Naruto himself, stood. The first man wore all black, and had a mask on, hiding his face. His one visible eye, the other hidden by a black eye patch, looked down on him, droopy, almost lethargic. His shock-white hair was spiked to one side, and while Naruto thought the hairstyle was rather old-fashioned, the man seemed to exude cool. And sexy. But it wasn't that Naruto thought that way or anything. 

The second man was wearing a red chequered dress, 'He's like me,' Naruto thought, taking in the white stockings and shiny red shoes. The man had black hair pulled into a high ponytail, as well as a scar running across the bridge of his nose. 

Finally Naruto took in the boy. 

He had black hair like the second man, but bangs covered his eyes in a way that Naruto thought must have been annoying. At the back, it was spiked up and away. Wearing navy and white, the boy stood there, his hands in his pockets, but it was his face that drew Naruto's attention. Pale skin, soft-looking lips, and soulful eyes. The boy was beautiful, and Naruto was too caught to remind himself that he didn't think that way. 

His mind was foggy. 

"You're sleeping in my bed," the boy said, and Naruto would have shuddered had he not been frozen in place. The boy's voice was smooth. Like silk. 

"Uhh…" was all that Naruto could say. 

"You ate the ramen that I took so long to make," the second man, in the dress, speaking up at Naruto's silence, "Do you know how long that took me to make!?" 

"You looked at our scrolls," the first man said, "We noticed they were left opened on the floor. Don't you realize that those scrolls are not for the eyes of the likes of you?" 

"You're sleeping in my bed," the boy repeated, and Naruto felt his face go warm, tingling to his toes. The boy arched a slender eyebrow, taking in his reaction. 

He tried to explain away his hunger, his curiosity, his tiredness, but the three would not have it. Naruto felt certain he would die. 

But not if he could help it, and he used the technique he had learned. 

The men gasped. That was Kage Bunshin! A high level technique that only those with the greatest amounts of inner energy could perform, and only at the highest levels. While easily they stopped his attempts at escape, for Naruto still did not know how to fight, the two adults gave pause to discussion about him amongst themselves. 

"I say we keep him," said the second man, "For one so young and inexperienced to so quickly learn Kage Bunshin? It's remarkable!" 

"I disagree," began the first, "If we were to train him in our field, we'd have to initiate him in all of our secrets as well as kill his family." 

"I don't have one," Naruto piped up helpfully. The boy narrowed his eyes slightly at Naruto before turning to listen to what the adults were saying. Naruto blushed again. 

"That just makes it easier," the second began again, "Please, Kakashi," he said, plastering himself against the other man's body, his arms snaking around his neck, his lips a delicious pout, "Can't I keep him?" 

The first, Kakashi, blushed, for already his resolves were crumbling. He rubbed the back of his neck lightly looking at the second man. 

"Now Iruka," said Kakashi, "I'm not so sure we can handle another child…" 

But Iruka was firm. 

"You got to keep Sasuke." 

And Kakashi relented. 

"Fine," he said, "but you're talking care of him." Iruka smiled. 

"Sasuke, watch him for us while we investigate his ties in the town, won't you?" 

"Sure." The boy, Sasuke, said. The two men left. Sasuke and Naruto were now alone in the room. 

"Uhh…" began Naruto, a sheepish grin on his face, "Hi!" Sasuke just glared. 

"You're still in my bed." 

"Right," Naruto gulped, as he began to hop off, but he stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"Now that you're staying with us," and he paused, "I think I rather like you there." 

Naruto could feel his cheeks heat for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. Sasuke couldn't be implying what he thought he was implying. Could he? 

But as soft lips touched his own, and a whispered comment about 'Mama and Papa not being back till much later' reached his ears, Naruto found himself falling back onto the bed, his eyes drifting shut. 

Maybe later, when Sasuke's hands weren't under his dress, pulling him out of his underwear, rubbing them together in heat and slick and friction, would he slap and kick and punch the other boy. Would he fight him before things got this far. 

Maybe later when his knees weren't so weak. 

As it was, Naruto was more than happy to feel them together, hips rocking, with a tongue in his mouth that wasn't his own. With a tightness that was building higher and higher and higher inside him. And soon, too soon, he, they, were exploding all over each other, swallowing cries. 

Naruto stared at the ceiling. 

The bed shifted beside him, and he felt warm arms wrap around his middle. 

"What's your name?" A soft whisper in the shell of his ear. 

"Naruto…" he replied. 

"Ah." 

Yes, later he would train hard and beat the other boy for touching him like this. For now, he lay there, his breathing slowing, as he slipped quietly into slumber.

  
  
  
  
  
  
--**AN**: Er… my third and a lime already? Hopefully I made it sufficiently vague for you *grins*, don't want anyone getting too happy. And um… OOC anyone? Kind of felt like that to me… *pouts*   
  
Kage Bunshin – Shadow Clone skill. One of Naruto's first, and most famous from the series. It's the one where he makes a whole bunch of copies of himself that can actually fight. 


End file.
